I can swear there’s a freaking werewolf howling outside. It’s a long drawn out, deep, full blown howl, like out of a monster movie. It’s so unnerving that I actually poked my head outside to see if I can tell how far away it was.

The moment I open the back door, the one that faces the woods, the howling stops. There is, of course, a full moon above. It’s bright enough to see the wooden porch and a ways into the forest, but beyond that the forest has become a tangle of dim light and a million dark shadows. Above, in the big old oak that towers over my place, an owl hoots. Not a friendly hoot, either — it sounds like it’s telling me off.

I duck back inside, shut and locked the door (like locking it makes me safer from a werewolf) and … you guessed it … the howling starts again.

Okay. Fine. Howl away, damn werewolf. I’m getting a beer.

I root around the fridge and pull out this Utenos Porter. Fitting, somehow. Sounds like the perfect name for a beer to drink while there’s a werewolf outside.

Remember, beware the moors.

I pop the top and give this bad boy a sniff. It smells strongly of sweet dark malt and molasses.

I raise the bottle to my lips, tip it back for that first sip. It’s both milder, and thinner, than I’d expected. The taste of the alcohol is strong. There’s a good balance between sweet and dark bread. And, somewhere, there seems to be some hops thrown into the mix.

Very good. Not outstanding, but good. A solid, yummy brew.

Outside the howling has stopped again. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not — I’m half expecting to hear it right outside my window.

Beware the moors!

I’ll give this a 4.4 on the Holy Grail scale and proclaim it to be a groovy brew. As I sit here and finish it, I’ll be thinking about the fact that I have no gun in the house, let alone any silver bullets.

This review transcribed from handwritten notes taken in 2009.

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Let me try and set the scene…

I’m sitting in a pretty much round room, looking out a huge curved window at palm fronds swaying in the island breeze.  My attention is torn between the beer sitting here on the desk, and the beautiful water in front of me, swirling in light and dark patterns as gentle swells wash the sand of the lagoon.  Some of the palms lean far out over the water, looking like they might just drop over.  Over on the side of the building are four full-sized replicas of moai monoliths (you know, those big, creepy-cool Easter Island heads).  If I look out a side window, I see one staring back at me.

To say that the beauty here is surreal would be an understatement.

Add to that, the radio behind me is playing this really odd, yet catchy dance song, with a clearly mechanical robot voice chanting “disco dance in your sexy panties” and “wear your sexy pants just for me.”

I tear my eyes away from the view, pop open the beer, and walk out to the porch with a pad of paper and a pencil.

It smells like molasses and vodka.  Now, that may not sound like a good combination, but in this case it is.  It smells interesting, and I mean that in a positive way.

I take the first sip, tilt my head back and savor it.  The first thing that hits me is the taste of well toasted oats and barley, aerated by light but satisfying carbonation.  It finishes off with a nice bitterness that reminds me in an odd way of the charred skin on barbecued chicken. 

Later, the bottle empty, it leaves me satisfied and happy.  In all, the flavor is well balanced, and I enjoyed so much I’m awarding it the status of Holy Beer Contender and rating it 2.3 on the Holy Grail Scale.

This review transcribed from handwritten notes taken in 2009.

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Rest your eyes.

You can listen to this review.

It’s the first ever GroovyBrew podcast!

Brought to you by Lagunitas Brewing and the Firesign Theater, not to mention the Zoom H2 Recorder, and featuring music by TranceVision.

Just for the record, this is one wildly groovy brew, and also a solid Holy Beer contender.

It rates a 7.77 on the Holy Grail Scale.

It’s most definitely a groovy brew.

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UPDATE: This is my current favorite.  Of. All. Time.

I am pretty sure I saw this Polish beer when I was in Helsinki earlier this year, but I didn’t try it.

Now here I am in Chicagoland and, well, I can’t resist a good Porter.  I just hope this is a good Porter.

Smells good.  Deep, dark, sweet, slightly yeasty.

First sip:  Delicious.

There’s a smooth, umber richness that is hard to pin down.  It’s sweet and malty, not much if any hops, and the carbonation disappeared almost immediately.  There’s a citrus edge that mellows into a walnut taste, riding over that Porter sweetness that is like beer candy.  It’s not really chocolaty as much as it is a kind of roasted caramel.

I love this stuff.  I think I’ve finally decided that Porters, especially a Baltic Porter like this one, is my favorite type of beer.

I’m going to proclaim Okocim a Holy Beer Contender, and give it a extremely high 9.8 on the Holy Grail Scale. I am really, truly close to just calling this the Holy Beer.  But, no.  I have other groovy brews to try.  Best not to be over enthusiastic, and to give it more time.  But at the moment this is definitely my favorite beer.

Life is good.

Drink good brew.

Groovy.

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It’s another Polish Porter on my plate!

Right up front I’ll say I don’t like this one as much as I did the Okocim.  It’s not as smooth nor as sweet.  But unlike the other, Zywiec seems to have some hops in it.  It tastes of robust, burnt rye, black roasted malts, caramel syrup, and toasted wheat.

And hops.  There are definitely hops in this one.  They give it a sharp, bitter ping right up front, fading to a hint of clove and a clamoring background of more hops bitterness.  The burnt malt taste rises somewhere in the middle of this, cresting with a sweetness, before falling back to the bitter.

A complex taste, yes.  And I don’t like the hint of clove.

Clove does not belong in beer.

That’s my opinion.

Had I not been already spoiled by the Okocim I would probably have rated this Porter higher, but as it stands I would still mark it down as a Holy Beer Contender, but only give it maybe a 5.6 on the Holy Grail Scale.

I mean, it’s still good.  No, still delicious.  Even with the hint of clove.

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UPDATE:  This review is from nearly two years ago, but I revisited this beer tonight, and I still stand behind the following statements 100%.

This limited release beer is as totally over the top as you’d expect from Lagunitas Brewing Company.

Imagine going to Starbucks and ordering a beer.

This would be it. Cappuccino Stout.

I drank two of these without writing a single word. I didn’t want to be bothered. The brew demanded all my attention.

This beer is for someone who drinks black strong coffee straight up. No cream. No sugar.

This beer is for someone who has turned so jaded that everything tastes the same and has blended into a grey muck, and life has turned dim, and all pretty women look like hard plastic. It’s for someone who can’t stand to turn on a radio because the entire spectrum makes you gag. You want to smash cell phones, you want to wreck your car on purpose, you want to set fire to a bank.

This beer is for you.

It will realign your Universe, reset your brain, and help you regain your love of humanity. This beer will pull you back from the brink. This beer will help you breathe.

This beer will help you create.

This beer will give you the urge to put on big heavy boots and stomp around in the mud, laughing hysterically, and roll around on the floor with a puppy.

This beer just might save your life.

I hereby proclaim it a Groovy Brew and rate it 8.1 on the Holy Grail Scale. Get it while you can, it’s seasonal, and it’s disappearing fast.

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It’s Friday night.  I’m winding down from one of those long, painfully busy weeks that leave you feel like someone’s been using your brain as a punching bag.  Dinner was teriyaki chicken and wild rice.  My girlfriend is off with family, busy for the weekend.  I’m all alone … and I’m ready to relax with a good beer.

Reaching into the fridge of plenty, I pull one out at random, and tonight it’s Oberon Ale from Bell’s Brewery.  A summer ale.

Well, it doesn’t feel quite summery yet here in the Quad Cities, but a summer ale sounds good.  Any ale sounds good. 

Okay, I tell myself.  Stop typing and start drinking.  Time to pop that top and take the ceremonial sniff.

Now this is odd.  It smells like summer.  Literally.  I can’t quite put my finger on why.  There’s a wheaty wisp over light malt and a hint of yeast.  All very subtle.

I take a taste…

Tangy, citrusy, with a bright carbonation that quickly fades.  There’s a rush of hops that’s like the swelling of music, first sweet then bitter — and that too fades, leaving the mouth more or less clean.  Clean and ready for more.

I have to ponder this a moment.

I like it.  No, I love it.  I really freaking love it.  This is some good brew!

7.9 on the Holy Grail scale, this is hereby officially deemed a Holy Beer contender.

Bravo Bell’s Brewery, well done.

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This beer balls up its fists and punches you right in the taste buds. 

Thick, heavy, and I’d almost say syrupy as it streams across your tongue, it delivers a solid punch of dark brown malt and molasses, with definite dark chocolate overtones.

This, my friends, is not a meek beer.  No way, no how.  This beer demands respect and by gods it earns it.  I was on my fifth one before I slowed down enough to do a review.

It’s damn good and a definite Holy Beer contender.  I’d go so far as to rate it an astronomical 8.8 on the Holy Grail Scale.

Brau Brothers Brewing Company prides itself on producing single batch beers, and this is one of them.  So if you see it, grab it, because you may never see it again.

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Sierra Nevada Brewing have outdone themselves with this one.  I think.  It’s either completely outstanding or I have been without beer for so long that anything will taste good.

Seriously, I have been without beer for two freaking weeks.  And the whole time, there’s this newsletter from my new local beer haven telling me they have this stuff in stock.  Every time I opened my email, there it was, taunting me.

Today, FINALLY, I had a chance to go over there, hoping against hope they still had some in stock.  And yes they did!

And it’s freaking delicious.

I’m on my third one now, so I can’t go through that whole “first sniff, first sip” routine, because I’d be faking it, and I don’t do that – I’m all about telling it like it is.

I have the beginnings of, I think, a sinus infection, so I can’t tell you what it smells like.  All I smell is beer bottle glass (yeah, I smell the glass) and sweet barley, all mixed with the green snot in my nose.

Sorry about that visual.  Just telling it like it is.  Yo.

Anyway, yes, I’m on my third one – as you can no doubt tell – and like I said, it’s delicious.  I think.  It’s very hoppy, which I like, reminding me of a over the top IPA, and it’s really strong – you can taste the alcohol.  I’m also picking up hints of pine in the taste.  Kind of freaky, that, and I just Googled it and yes, I’m not the only one.  But man, it’s an explosion of earthy, biscuity, hoppy beer goodness in my mouth, and I am happy happy happy that I picked up a whole six pack instead of just one bottle.

This is most definitely a groovy brew and I’m giving it a 8.9 on the Holy Grail Scale. 

I may have to come back here and adjust that tomorrow after I’ve had another one, because right now I’m being conservative to counterbalance my inebriation-influenced enthusiasm.

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Today is Brevity Day here on Groovy Brew.  This is going to be a wham-bam hit-and-run review … mainly because I’m doing it from months-old scribbled notes…

You know, with a name like Moose Drool, it either has to be new, or it has to be really good.

This brew isn’t new.

It’s really good.

Smells like brown sugar and hops.

Tastes like a wonderful balance between molasses malts and sharp green hops.

It’s a groovy brew and I award it a moose-sized 7.1 on the Holy Grail Scale.

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