December 2008
Monthly Archive
Sumerian Beer Recipe, 3200 BC
Posted by Jerry on 29 Dec 2008 | Tagged as: Beer History
According to the New York Times, you’re looking at one of the earliest known recipes ever written down by man.
It’s for beer.
One of the contentions of the novel I’m currently writing is that humanity’s entire modern civilization owes everything to the discovery of beer, that mankind changed from hunter-gatherers to farmers, and then developed cities and society, specifically so that they could produce beer. Beer to them was divine and the nectar of the Gods. It got them buzzed, helped them forget about their worries, and got even the ugly guys laid.
Anyway, I stumbled upon this while doing research and thought I’d share it with you. The picture links to the article that I stole it from.
Saranac Caramel Porter
Posted by Jerry on 24 Dec 2008 | Tagged as: Beer Reviews
Merry Christmas!
I thought I would celebrate with something sweet, so I chose a Saranac Caramel Porter. I’m assuming it’s sweet. After all, it has caramel in the name.
Popping the top, I take a whiff. Well, it definitely smells of caramel. Artificially so, like it’s something added. It overwhelms all the beer scents and puts me on my guard.
It smells, in fact, like caramel flavored coffee syrup, or perhaps caramel schnapps. I’d been saving this and couldn’t wait to drink it, but now I’m kind of dreading the first swig. Here’s hoping I’m wrong.
Tipping it up to my lips, I take a taste.
Exactly as I’d feared, it tastes like beer with caramel flavor added to it. It’s not bad or unpleasant, but … not satisfying.
After half a bottle my stomach is feeling a bit unsettled. Of course that could just be in my head.
According to the label it’s naturally flavored, but has caramel coloring added to it. I wonder if it’s that “coloring” that I taste? There is a definite artificial tang to the flavor.
Still, now that the bottle is gone, I have to say I did enjoy it. I hesitate to deem it groovy, however.
Let’s just say it’s “pretty good.”
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday! Be careful driving on that ice, stay warm, and have a safe new years.
Hub City Oatmeal Stout
Posted by Jerry on 18 Dec 2008 | Tagged as: Beer Reviews, Gulp Alert!, Holy Beer Contenders
I am not used to all this snow.
Its still new enough to me that I’m not sick of it, but I really do miss Texas – even if they are having an ice storm down there. I’d rather face 7 inches of snow in Illinois than 1/2 inch of ice in Dallas.
So, anyway, on this snowy evening I am treating myself to a brew I wouldn’t have been able to get down south: Hub City Oatmeal Stout. Brewed not too far away from here in Iowa, this little brew comes highly recommended, and so I’m rather looking forward to it.
Popping the top, I’m greeted with a sweet scent that has distinctly whisky overtones.
The first sip … mild, smooth, with a richness that sneaks up on you.
My immediate first impression: Yummy!
The marked lack of carbonation makes this far too easy to chug down, so I’m sounding the gulp alert on this one. Extremely smooth, I’m tasting a perfect balance of sweet and bitter over a rich chocolaty malt base, with delicious biscuity oatmeal overtones.
And with that, the bottle is already empty! That went down fast, and it left me craving another.
This is hereby proclaimed a groovy brew, and I’m awarding it a very respectable 6.9 on the Holy Grail Scale.
Bell's Winter White Ale
Posted by Jerry on 17 Dec 2008 | Tagged as: Beer Reviews
It’s 10:55pm and outside the air temperature is 0° Fahrenheit.
Zero degrees. ZERO.
What a perfect time to pop open something called “Winter White Ale.”
Smells yeasty with a rich malty undertone. First sip: Tangy, like it has spices.
From their website: A Wheat Ale brewed with American Wheat and a proprietary blend of Hefe and classic Belgian-style yeasts. A refreshing winter alternative created from the subtle fusion of two classic flavors.
My first thought is, I don’t like it. But then again, I’ve had dental work done today, it’s cold as hell outside, I’m tired, and I’m feeling a bit cranky. So, I’m going to give it some time to impress me.
Halfway through the bottle, I still don’t like it. It tastes like someone smashed a truck full of old Henry Weinhard’s Private Reserve into a truck full of Miller Light. And then a crop duster dumped white pepper all over it.
It’s too heavy for its taste, a bit on the sour side, and features abundant bitterness without any redeeming quality. The aftertaste is a layer of bitterness over a solid foundation of bitterness.
At the bottom of the bottle I’m not yearning for another one. I’m yearning instead for a warm sponge to wipe my tongue off.
Conclusion: This is not a groovy beer.
A Beer Before it Starts
Posted by Jerry on 12 Dec 2008 | Tagged as: Beer Stories
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV and said to his wife, “Quick bring me a beer before it starts!”
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it he said, “Quick bring me another beer. It’s gonna start!”
This time she looked a little angry, but she brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said, “Quick get me another beer before it starts!”
“That’s it!” she blows her top, “You oaf! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave, getting you beer after beer. Don’t you realize that I cook, and clean, and wash, and iron all day long?”
The husband sighed, and said, “Oh drat, it started.”
- From our big dusty archive of funny email
(Authors Unknown)
